interpol15 (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
interpol15) wrote2005-07-11 12:02 am
interpol15) wrote2005-07-11 12:02 am
(no subject)
everyone has their own image of what they look like lodged in their head. you know, the one that you picture yourself as even if you look completely different. i've been experiencing that sort of dual imagery for quite some time now.
over most of my senior year, i barely even recognized myself in the mirror. when people talk to me, i know that they see the so-called "pretty" face that i have. but i am unable to get in my head a real picture of what they see. to me, i still look like the fat girl from 8th grade who had no eyebrows and wierd hair because i pulled most of it out. maybe i'll never get past that image. i've been stuck looking like that for so long that its ingrained in my head.
i've had a bad self image for six long years, and this was the year where i finally was able to change it, at least physically. but i know for me to get past so much of my own self-loathing and other problems, is directly tied in with what i look like, my self-image, and how i've been treated by pretty much all of the people around me over the years. even if kids are nice to you now, when they teased you and asked you out on dates just for laughs in middle school stays with you. and i know i haven't been able to get my mind over the stuff they did to me back then.
over most of my senior year, i barely even recognized myself in the mirror. when people talk to me, i know that they see the so-called "pretty" face that i have. but i am unable to get in my head a real picture of what they see. to me, i still look like the fat girl from 8th grade who had no eyebrows and wierd hair because i pulled most of it out. maybe i'll never get past that image. i've been stuck looking like that for so long that its ingrained in my head.
i've had a bad self image for six long years, and this was the year where i finally was able to change it, at least physically. but i know for me to get past so much of my own self-loathing and other problems, is directly tied in with what i look like, my self-image, and how i've been treated by pretty much all of the people around me over the years. even if kids are nice to you now, when they teased you and asked you out on dates just for laughs in middle school stays with you. and i know i haven't been able to get my mind over the stuff they did to me back then.