(no subject)

I've given up and now I'm just indifferent.
I don't think my meds are helping.
I freak out when the littlest thing doesn't go according to plan and I hate it.
I just don't know how to stop.
I've gone through all my psych texts, and bipolar type II seems like the best diagnosis for me, but I feel like there's something still missing.
I need order, the same thing day in and day out, and if plans are made, then they can't be broken.
Chaos just troubles me, and makes me fly off the hook at any little problem.
I'm afraid that I'm too much for everyone to handle
I don't want to drive those that I love away from me.
I'm afraid I'm doing that to Wilson.
Even when we fight, I look at him and it's like I'm home.
I don't know what to say.


Everything's about to change.

It just now hit me this is more than just a set back

Livejournal sucks. It keeps having problems loading my pages and stuff. Bastards.


My life is one big Relient K song.
The album Mmhmm feels like it's pratically describing everything that's happening right now.
I just need someone to promise me that I'll get through this and do something right for once.

This is for the person that matters most:

I know you don't hate me, and know that I'll always love you.
I know I took things too far, and that's it's my fault.
But the things that cause the pain will never go away.
This sort of thing will always hurt.
It's just a matter of what's more important:
all the good, or all the bad?