interpol15 | TL;DR post about stuff

God, just two more weeks until the semester ends. And I still need to get a job for the summer.

But there's a 98% chance that I'm taking next year off from school. I just need a lot of time to get into new habits. These last few months haven't been easy for me.

It's just that I'm bipolar. I have these incorrect chemical balances in my head, and I have to deal with rapid cycling mixed states, with major depression and hypomanias that are getting worse. Over the last four years, my temperment, paranoia, aggressiveness, need for sleep, and ability to concentrate have gone down a great deal. To the point where I sometimes don't even recognize myself anymore. Which is terrifying. I don't know how to handle me becoming a person that probably needs anger management. And my anxiety about everything is becoming worse, to the point where I'm changing my lifestyle and habits to avoid stressful situations (ie: becoming a hermit), and where I can barely go a week without having a mini-breakdown.

So I just need time to find the right doctors, the right combination of meds, learn that I can talk to people about this shit without feeling weak and guilty, reevaluate my life and the direction it's heading down, and time to be a fucking 21 year old and just have some fun.